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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26743420">Lazy, Crazy, Hazy Days</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/WaterMe/pseuds/WaterMe'>WaterMe</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Lazy, Crazy, Hazy Days [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Captain Marvel (2019), Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(around his dick), Carol Danvers is a Good Bro, Emotional Abuse (referenced), Established and Developing Relationships, Everyone is late 20s - early 30s, F/F, F/M, M/M, Millennials in Love, Multi, Orgy negotiations, Peter Parker Gets a Hug, Peter Parker Has Anxiety, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Poly Vee Relationship, Polyamory Negotiations, Recreational Drug Use (Referenced), Swingers, best friends that fuck, fade-to-black sexytimes, mild panic attacks, no powers au, orgy in the next fic I promise, partially scarred Wade Wilson, relationship anarchy, wade is such a nice boo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 11:14:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,059</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26743420</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/WaterMe/pseuds/WaterMe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Peter Parker knows his way around a polyamorous relationship. Relationships take work, and the more people, the more work. That’s just <em>math.</em> And if you’re the <strike>third wheel</strike> secondary partner in an established relationship, you make whatever compromises you need to avoid rocking the boat (even if the ways you bend for them are slowly breaking you). This is Poly 101. <em>Everyone</em> knows it.</p><p>If it isn’t hard, how do you know you’re doing it right?</p><p>(After a rough break-up, the people in Peter’s life help him understand that love’s allowed to be easy.)</p><p>  <em>(Fill for Marvel Polyship Bingo, “Swingers to Poly”)</em></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Carol Danvers &amp; Peter Parker, Matt Murdock &amp; Peter Parker, Matt Murdock/Wade Wilson, Others TBD, Peter Parker/Carol Danvers/Maria Rambeau, Peter Parker/Wade Wilson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Lazy, Crazy, Hazy Days [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2195760</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>83</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Marvel Polyship Bingo 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Lazy, Crazy, Hazy Days</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This came to me in the middle of the summer when it was warm and beautiful (and fucking <em>quarantined),</em> and all I wanted was lazy rooftop parties with my crew. Then I went and put Anxiety in it, because I do not know how to have nice things. Check the tags, but keep an eye out for: mild panic attacks; positive depiction of drug use (a little more about that in the end notes); reference to past emotional abuse; and, shit-talking a couple who does hierarchical polyamory (which, it should be noted, is <em>not</em> the same as shit-talking hierarchical poly or "relationships with rules and boundaries" as a whole).</p><p>This is a fill for Polyship Bingo ‘Swingers to Poly.' It explores some of the different ways people do non-monogamy and what they choose to call it, from swinging, to structured, hierarchical polyamory, to relationship anarchy. Everyone calls themselves different things, and the easiest way to figure out what they mean by a label is to ask :-) </p><p><strong>Update, 3/5/2021:</strong><br/>I was re-reading this, and realized I just... really dig it as a stand-alone negotiation fic. So I'm downgrading it to Mature and marking as Complete, but I've also created a WIP series that will hold the eventual orgy. The same details below apply. </p><p><strong>9/30/2020: </strong>Big, huge caveat that this is a <strike>rebel without a cause</strike> WIP without a plan, and I have <em>no</em> fucking clue when the second half will come out. I know what goes down, I love it and will make it happen eventually, but no promises on timeline. I tried to give this fic its own arc, but anything that ends right before the orgy starts is its own special brand of sadistic tease’n’denial.</p><p>(It's midnight and I haven't slept enough this week to remember who humans are, let alone actual tag and link and things. So thanks to the usual band of deviants for giving this a cheer and a look-over &lt;3)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lying face first in Carol Danvers’ bosom was one of Peter’s great joys in life.</p><p>It wasn’t, like, a mommy thing. </p><p>Okay. Maybe it was a ‘bullying big sister’ thing.</p><p>They’d first crossed paths all the way back at Freshman Orientation. Peter (two days shy of his 18th birthday, the eternal baby of the class) sat right in the front row like a total nerd, huddling awkwardly behind his carefully highlighted planner. Two seats down lounged Carol, ancient and wise at 23. She was fresh out of the Air Force, putting her GI bill straight to use, and she made the thin, weasely presenter cry into his slide deck (<em>‘Only You Can Prevent Date Rape!’  </em>“With all due respect, <em> sir, </em>only rapists can prevent date rape”). On their way out she’d tipped down her aviators and tossed Peter a wink, and he almost ran into a wall.</p><p>She was just so damn <em> cool. </em></p><p>Six months later, he skulked through the door of his very first GSA meeting and there she was, still wearing those damn shades. She spotted him across the room, squealed, “Baby gay!”, dragged him to his very first drag show, and never let him go. </p><p>And maybe after they graduated, he followed her to the big city. And maybe she guested him into his very first kink party, and maybe he was the best man at her wedding <em> and </em> the best lube fairy at the Bachelorette/Bachelorette party.</p><p>And maybe he slept on her and Maria’s couch and cried after he broke up with his last girlfriend for good, and maybe had to stop her and Maria from running straight out the door to murder Felicia and her douchebag husband because, “we finally can, they were <em> terrible </em>to you.”</p><p>And maybe their ‘sorry about your break-up but at least now you can bang without filling out permission forms in triplicate and then still getting vetoed’ comfort sexy-times had just… kept happening.</p><p>Look, if having occasional weird sex with your pseudo-big sisters was wrong, Peter didn’t wanna be right.</p><p>They were just so <em> fun. </em> Maria and Carol called themselves 'cultural lesbians,' and they sure fucked like it. The sex meandered, and orgasms were optional but encouraged. There were no expectations of a hard cock on demand, and no pressure, and half the time sex didn't even happen and they just curled up to watch <em> Doctor Who, </em>instead. </p><p>Peter nuzzled happily against Carol's majestic breasts, shivering as Maria scratched her nails idly up and down his back. (This had not been a platonic <em> sci-fi and chill </em> evening.)</p><p>“Whatcha thinkin’ bout, baby gay?” asked Carol. Their giant orange tabby, Goose, jumped onto the bed with an offended <em> murr, </em> ramming his head hard into Peter’s ribs.</p><p>“Happy,” mumbled Peter. </p><p>“Good,” said Maria. “Lord knows you deserve it.”</p><p>“Things with Wade are still good, right?” Peter lifted his head suspiciously. Carol always cut right to the chase, but that didn’t mean he could always tell where she was sprinting off to.</p><p>“Yeah. Super good. Why?”</p><p>It was Maria who replied. “We’re having an intimate gathering with a select group of friends.” She punctuated each word with a kiss to his shoulder, ending with an exaggerated bite against his neck. “We would like it if you and Wade were two of those friends.”</p><p>“Um,” said Peter. And, "What?" </p><p>Carol grinned, all teeth. “Your filthy swinger friends are inviting you to an orgy.” </p><p>Maria’s eye-roll was audible from behind his back. “Take it easy on him, babe.”</p><p>“Oh.” Peter took a moment to collect his thoughts. They didn’t rush him. “And Wade’s invited, too?” Were they just being nice? Wade had only met them a few times… </p><p>“If he wants.” Carol’s voice was fond. “We like him a lot, baby gay. He’s good for you.”</p><p>“I’ll need to ask…” Peter trailed off, stomach twisting. Carol and Maria exchanged a look over his shoulder, and then Carol linked her fingers with his. </p><p>“Absolutely no pressure, okay? If it feels good and easy, say yes. If it doesn’t, don’t stress about it.”</p><p>She pushed him slowly onto his back, passing Maria the hitachi as she straddled Peter's thigh tight between hers. There was a <em> thump </em>as Goose scrambled for the door, shooting them the kind of offended look that only a cat could achieve.</p><p>“Um,” squeaked Peter, “so what kinds of things happen at these ‘intimate gatherings,’ anyway?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He left them cozily ensconced in a knot of limbs, Maria’s dark hair tangling across Carol’s short blond strands. Her fingers massaged gently up and down Carol’s arm.</p><p>“You wanna stay, baby?”</p><p>“Not tonight,” whispered Peter, hopping into his jeans as he played ‘find the black t-shirt’ in the dim light.</p><p>She nodded. “Open invite. But you know that.” She kissed Carol awake. “Baby, Peter’s leaving.”</p><p>“Mmfghr,” — sleepy, grumpy Carol was <em> adorable —  </em>”wan’ me walk you to the door?”</p><p>“What would you do if I said yes?”</p><p>“ ‘d tell you to fuck right off.”</p><p>With a laugh and a kiss, Peter let Goose escort him out, instead. He waited for a long moment while the big cat sat in the doorway, nose twitching happily at the balmy night air. And then, when Goose had finally made up his mind, he gave Peter a skull-rattling <em> bonk </em> good night before ambling back toward his ladies in the bedroom. </p><p>Peter, like Goose, never quite knew if he wanted to be in or out until he was standing right on the edge of it. Carol and Maria never made him decide in advance, never gave him any shit, just tossed out the occasional, “The kid’s dad is gonna stay for breakfast when he drops her off, so if you stay over try not to look too freshly fucked.”</p><p><em>Maybe, </em>he thought, as he pulled out his phone in his parked car, <em>Maybe it </em>can<em> be this easy.</em></p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span class="u"> ❤️❤️ <b>Wade</b> ❤️❤️ </span>
  </p>
  <p><b>Peter: </b>*kiss emoji* love you</p>
  <p><b>Wade: </b> love you more, bb<br/><b>Wade: </b>u having an all-gender lesbian slumber party?</p>
  <p><b>Peter: </b>I was just heading home, want to sleep in my own bed</p>
  <p><b>Wade: </b>u got the day off tmrw?</p>
  <p><b>Peter: </b>yup yup</p>
  <p><b>Wade: </b> cum sleep in mine<br/><b>Wade: </b> matty and i are done with the hanky panky<br/><b>Wade: </b> platonic snugs only up in this hizzouse<br/><b>Wade: </b> no sexpectations, promise<br/><b>Wade: </b> but also if you’re not feeling it, i understand<br/><b>Wade: </b> ur bed’s pretty nice, too<br/><b>Wade: </b> i’m a fan of it ;) ;) ;)<br/><b>Wade: </b> i’m just a selfish bitch who just wants to be erotically smothered between my two favorite guys<br/><b>Wade: </b>platonically</p>
  <p><b>Peter: </b>… Are you sure Matt’s okay with it?</p>
</blockquote><p>The photo arrived so quickly that it had to have been ready (ugh, was Peter that predictably insecure?). Wade was eyeing the camera with a cheeky grin, hair every which-way, that scarred eyebrow raised just-so in a way that said he knew <em> exactly </em> what he was doing. A happily sex-ruffled Matt gave a lazy thumbs up. His gaze drifted a little to the right, and Peter grinned as he imagined their bicker over Wade ordering him to <em> “Look at the camera, Matty!”  </em>Wade had added a little speech bubble reading, “pls! I can only snug wade so much, i am but one man!!”</p><p>It put a flutter in Peter’s chest, a complicated thing that said ‘I’m happy that they’re happy,’ and ‘my boyfriend’s really cute and I want to be there,’ and ‘what if I go and then it doesn’t feel as good for anyone?’</p><p>A voice message pinged through, and Matt Murdock’s dulcet tones filled the car. </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p><b>Wade: </b><em>*</em><em>voice message*</em> “Hey, Pete, please come cuddle your whiny boyfriend before he gets even whinier.”</p>
</blockquote><p>Damn, but that man had a voice made for phone sex. If Peter didn’t instinctively friend-zone anyone his partners were dating… He put that thought to the side. Only one anxiety spiral at a time. They had <em>rules.</em></p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p><b>Peter: </b><em>*voice message*</em> “He’s been your whiny boyfriend longer. You should be used to it by now.”<br/><b>Peter: </b>are you *sure* you’re sure?</p>
  <p><b>Wade: </b>get dat booty over here so we can platonically wreck it with my undying devotion and matty’s hot, throbbing respect for your boundaries ;) ;) ;)</p>
  <p><b>Peter: </b>I’m not sure you understand what ‘platonic’ means</p>
  <p><b>Wade: </b>sexual attraction 2 plates, duh<br/><b>Wade: </b>why do u think i have that collection of commemorative princess di plates, they’re not just for decoration…<br/><b>Wade: </b>i can’t achieve orgasm w/o one in my view<br/><b>Wade: </b>btw, you might wanna pre-wash my dishes before you use ‘em…<br/><b>Wade: </b>now get over here, we got the whole party platter and the only snack it’s missing is u &lt;3</p>
</blockquote><p>Peter couldn't help but grin as he pulled away from the curb, relationship-anxiety replaced by a much more whimsical anxiety regarding the sanitation of Wade's flatware.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Everything was fine, and then it wasn't. Peter stood outside Wade’s building, nerves swirling back up with a vengeance, his illegally-copied key clenched so tight it was digging a groove into his palm. </p><p>What if they had changed their minds? </p><p>He shook his head, forced himself to take a deep breath, to focus on the bite of the key in his hand, the rough texture of the metal door, the swish of the breeze in the nearby trees.</p><p>Wade wouldn’t have invited him over if he didn’t mean it. Matt wasn’t shy about asserting his boundaries. Neither of them were the type to play mind games. Even so, Peter’s hands trembled as he unlocked the heavy door, and he had to count all thirty-eight stairs up to the apartment to keep from fixating on the fears and the <em> what-ifs.</em> He let himself in and crept to the bedroom, feet sluggish. </p><p>“Hey,” he whispered from the doorway.</p><p>It was a cozy tableau. Matt was half-draped over Wade’s lap, and he lifted his fingers in a lazy wave at Peter’s greeting. Wade beamed, basking in the gentle lamplight and the attention of his two best guys. The broad stripe of scars that snaked down his neck and across his rib cage popped in sharp relief, the textured shadows giving way to soft, smooth skin. The warm light poured down the divot of Matt's spine, pooling in the rumpled sheet that covered them both. Peter couldn’t have posed them better if he’d tried, and his fingers itched for a camera. Well, he had his phone… </p><p>“Is it okay if I take your picture?”</p><p>Wade gently pet Matt. “Is it okay if Peter takes a photo of you for his, uh, ‘private collection’?”</p><p>“Oh no,” mumbled Matt. “My precious reputation.”</p><p>Peter giggled, taking the photo from a few angles. “Yeah, look down at him like that again,” he told Wade, heart melting a little as Wade’s eyes crinkled. </p><p>“Show,” demanded Wade, making grabby hands at Peter’s phone and at Peter himself. Peter handed over the phone as he stripped down to his boxers, grateful as he crawled under the covers that the other two had achieved the herculean post-sex task of pulling on the barest minimum of clothing. It wasn’t even a nudity thing, it was just… he just had some associations, and a little bit of clothing was a nice reminder that this wasn’t that.</p><p>“Wow…” Wade’s voice pulled him back from the edge of his thoughts. “He made you look so good, baby. There’s this line of shadow here” — he stroked diagonally across Matt’s shoulder blade — “and it shows off all those yummy boxing muscles. You look relaxed, just fucked out as hell. And he even managed to make my ugly mug look good. Mainly because I’m looking at you like you’re one of the two best things that’s ever happened to me.” He pulled Peter tight against him with a loud, obnoxious kiss.</p><p>“Thanks, Peter,” said Matt, rubbing his head against Wade’s thigh. Peter reached out to rub a cautious little circle on his shoulder. </p><p>“Of course,” he whispered. “You want me to send it to anyone?”</p><p>Matt hummed in thought. “Karen. Everyone else is bullying me.”</p><p>Wade rolled his eyes. “You mean Foggy and Jess told you not to do something dumb, you proceeded to do something dumb, they were right, and now you're mad about it.”</p><p>“See, Pete?” Matt had a pout that could sink ships. Unfortunately for him, Wade was immune. “Now he’s bullying me, too.” </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They squished Wade in as the middle spoon, which was the thing he liked very best in the entire world. </p><p>“Are you sure this is okay?” Peter whispered.</p><p>“Does he ever stop?” asked Matt.</p><p>“Anxiety is his love language,” murmured Wade, fumbling in the dark to pat both their hands at once.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Wade was only just barely in the vicinity of ‘conscious’ or ‘human’ when Matt left for work. Peter, an early bird, offered to walk him to the bus stop, instead. They both knew he didn’t need it, but he kindly slipped his hand around Peter’s elbow anyway, training how to guide more than he was letting himself be guided.</p><p>The street was still and sunny, the pavement already starting to heat up. The birds were cacophonous, getting their two cents in before it got too hot for any living creature to do more than hunker down in the shade. “Thanks,” said Peter. “Thanks for being so cool and, like, making space for me, and everything.”</p><p>Matt smiled gently. “He had the space already. And then you came along and he decided it was for you.” The sun caught his dark hair, lighting it up auburn. “I’m glad. You’re really good to him. He deserves that.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Peter's chest was a warm glow as he took the stairs to the apartment two at a time. But once he was curled up on the couch… “I, um…” He curled a little tighter, picking at the hem of his jeans. “I wanted to ask something? But it’s not… I mean, if it’s a no, it’s no big deal.”</p><p>Wade looked up from his game of Animal Crossing, tossing his Switch over his shoulder and immediately plastering to Peter’s side. “What’s up, buttercup? Spit it out. You think I’m gonna get upset?”</p><p>“Okay, but, like, what if you do?”</p><p>“Is it something your exes would have slut-shamed you for, and tried to make you feel guilty and dirty for even bringing up?”</p><p>Peter nodded, frowning.</p><p>“Well, my vanilla-bean-speckled love-nugget, in that case I’m almost certainly all for it.”</p><p>“Wade,” Peter whined.</p><p>“Tell me I’m wro-ong,” sang Wade. Peter ducked his head. “That’s what I thought. Now what sexy adventure have you concocted for us, my sweet?”</p><p>“Carol and Maria invited me… invited <em> us… </em>to an… to an orgy?” Peter buried his rapidly reddening face against Wade’s chest. </p><p>Wade actually squealed. Peter burrowed harder. “Invited <em> us? </em>I mean, of course you’re on their inner circle orgy e-vite list, but I made the cut? Did they give a dress code? I’d hate to embarrass you in front of all their sexy friends.”</p><p>“They said it’s small. Really select. I don’t —  I don’t know why they'd ask me?”</p><p>“Sweet-Pete, you’d be an asset to any orgy. But even above that, you’re Carol’s little darling. She’s probably been wanting to ask for ages, but Maria made her wait until it wouldn’t freak you out too much.”</p><p>Peter tried to laugh, but it came out as a pained cough. Wade’s hand came up to cradle the back of his head, pressing him close.</p><p>“…there’s one more thing.” He felt Wade’s nod against his hair. “There’ll, um… there’ll-be-drugs.” Peter's voice trailed down to almost nothing, and he held his breath as he braced for the impending lecture.</p><p>“Good ole molly orgy, huh? It’s been an age-and-a-half.” Peter’s head shot up, oddly indignant at Wade’s pleased grin. “Aw, sugarpuff, that’s what’s got you all wound up? This ain’t my first sex rodeo. Have you ever done MDMA?” Peter shook his head. “Well, we should get you a little more info, but baby, if you're down it’ll blow your plug straight outta its socket.”</p><p>Peter flopped back against Wade, chest slowly loosening. “I’m not sure I even want to… I mean, an orgy sounds like a lot of sexpectations, and ludicrously pretty people, and dicks going into orifices, and, just… how do you schedule getting in the mood, you know?”</p><p>“Well, the molly will take care of getting you in the mood. And, better or worse, it’ll probably take any scenarios involving hard dicks off the table, too. As for the rest… I bet it’s gonna be like having sex with Carol and Maria, just with more moving parts. And, you know, more parts moving. Doesn’t that sound nice?”</p><p>“Yeah…” Peter bit his lip thoughtfully. “Yeah, it does.”</p><p>“You wanna know what it’s like?” Wade whispered, manhandling Peter into his lap, back to his front. “What it’s like to be on display, all your nerves lit up, everyone’s eyes on you while you get taken apart?”</p><p>He pushed Peter’s shirt up, fingers skimming featherlight across his chest, so close to ticklish that Peter had to grit his teeth to bear it. He clenched his eyes, turning his face into Wade.</p><p>Wade cooed, stubble rough against Peter's ear. “Oh, baby boy. Doesn’t matter if you can’t see them. <em> They can still see you.” </em></p><p>By the time Wade let him come, Peter couldn’t remember why he’d ever thought the orgy was a bad idea.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>A few days later found Peter and Wade fucking around on their phones, sprawled out hot and sticky on Peter’s bed in the big, old house he rented with Ned and MJ. The roomies were both out for the night, which meant loud, obnoxious sex, and walking around without pants on.</p><p>“So… if we do this orgy thing…” Peter suddenly had Wade’s undivided attention. “If we do it… what are the rules?”</p><p>“Do you want there to be rules?”</p><p>Peter’s brain froze for a second. “There… there have to be rules. That’s how it works.”</p><p>Wade nodded seriously. “I can give you rules if it’ll make you feel better. No having sex in outer space, because I don’t support you giving money to Elon Musk. For every new dick you touch, you have to buy me a cake. No sharks; that one’s not a sex rule, just a hard-earned life lesson.”</p><p>“Wade…” Peter whined.</p><p>“Babyyyy,” Wade whined back. “You know I’m bouncy. Even if I did somehow feel jealous, I’d probably end up instantly eroticizing it into a cuckolding thing. The only thing that actually squicks me is treating you like you’re something I own, and not in the sexy fun-times way.”</p><p>Peter flopped onto his back to glare at the ceiling.</p><p>Wade leaned over to kiss the furrow between his brows. “What about you? Do you have any boundaries about what I do?”</p><p>“I’m pretty bouncy, too…” Peter said.</p><p>“Yeah, you are.” Wade touched a finger under Peter’s chin, tipping him so he had to look Wade in the eye. “You’re an emotional superhero because you have an extra shitty origin story where people gave you rules, gave you a <em> literal binder </em>full of ‘em, but you weren’t allowed to make rules back. And you turned that bullshit into an amazing ability to deal with your own shit all on your own, without no help from nobody. But now you get to have boundaries, because I care about you and I’m going to listen to you.”</p><p>Peter felt a tear escape the corner of his eye. Shit. Embarrassing. “You don’t have rules for me, though. Isn’t that just as bad as — ”</p><p>“Nope. Nuh-uh. We’re not doing the double-standard thing. ‘Fair’ is if we’re both comfy, and both have a good time at this orgy. Okay?”</p><p>“Okay. I just… I can’t think of any rules.”</p><p>“How about if I stick close to you to start? And if you want to run off and frolic you can go ahead. I’ll have a good time even if all I get to do is watch you tear the place up. But if you need me, I’ll be your orgy buddy. And you have an open invite to come over and pet my head while I get railed.”</p><p>It was an alluring thought, and Peter’s breath caught in his throat. “Okay. Okay, that sounds good.”</p><p>“One more thing,” said Wade, eyes serious. “Just a teensy, weensy bit of tough love. You ready?”</p><p>Peter nodded, shrinking into himself. Wade laid a comforting hand on his chest.</p><p>“You’re good at dealing with things on your own, but you’re also really good at bottling things up — too good, sometimes. You’re so scared of rocking the boat that you let people hurt you. People who love you, very much.” Wade leaned up to kiss the side of Peter’s trembling mouth. “Hey, hey, hey, none of that. I know you’re working on it so, so hard, and you’re getting so much better, and you know I’m never mad about it. But…”</p><p>Wade cut himself off with a sigh, nudging his head clumsily against Peter’s.</p><p>“You can’t do that to Carol and Maria, okay?” Peter’s chest filled with ice. “If you were having a bad time, and you made yourself <em>keep </em>having a bad time because you thought it would make us happy…” Wade didn't have to finish. Peter knew; it would <em> kill </em>Carol.</p><p>“So,” he took a shaky breath, “s-so, what do I do?” Wade squeezed his hand. </p><p>“You find your orgy buddy, remember? You find your orgy buddy, and get yourself some one-on-one snugs. And if that doesn’t make it better, you hide outside while I tell everyone that our ocelot-sitter just called and our furry murder-baby needs us, and then we get a Lyft outta dodge. Whatever you need. Okay?”</p><p>“Okay.” Peter nodded. Then, “Wade?”</p><p>“Yeah, honeybunch?”</p><p>“I think you just set a boundary.”</p><p>Wade’s eyes went wide. “Nooooo,” he whispered. “Setting boundaries is my hard limit.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The next time Peter walked into Wade’s, the tips of his fingers were tingling and he was about two anxious thoughts away from puking. He must have looked like death warmed over because Wade rushed up, patting him down like he was looking for a bullet hole.</p><p>“What’s wrong, baby? Who do I have to kill?”</p><p>“No, it’s… wait, <em> what? No. </em>it’s okay. I just… Carol got back to me about everyone’s STI results?”</p><p>“Ah,” said Wade. He ceased his wound triage and sat Peter on the couch. Peter blinked and Wade was gone, and then he blinked again and Wade was back, pushing a firm thumb between Peter’s tense lips and shoving a fudgesicle into his mouth. “That’s better. Now tell me what's got your panties in a twist.”</p><p>“Um,” Peter mumbled, pulling the treat out of his mouth and staring at it, perplexed. “I mean, everyone’s results seem pretty compatible with ours, but she did say that one of the people who will be there is a… a sex worker.”</p><p>“Okay.” Wade spoke slowly. “I’m assuming the extra sexy, bits-on-bits, kinda sex work?”</p><p>“Sometimes, she said.”</p><p>“Their results are in with everyone else’s? And there’s nothing there that you’re worried about?”</p><p>Peter shook his head, watching sadly as a melty drop of chocolate made a slow path down his clenched fingers. It was melting just like Wade’s trust in him, just like his only chance of future happiness, just like —  </p><p>“Baby,” said Wade. “I know that logically you’re okay with it, but if you’re not comfortable, it’s okay to change your boundaries.”</p><p>Peter’s head shot up. “What? No! I’m totally fine with it! I just thought… maybe…”</p><p>Wade’s careful, neutral face splintered and broke. He put a hand over his mouth, doing a spectacularly bad job of hiding the fact that he was laughing at Peter. “I’m not laughing at you,” he said. The strangled wheeze really sold it.</p><p>“C’mon,” grumped Peter, taking a vicious bite out of the fudgesicle. He winced as the cold zinged up his teeth.</p><p>“Baby… You know that, like, half of my exes are sex workers. It doesn’t bother me.”</p><p>“I mean, I know that, but — ” </p><p>“ — but maybe I said I was okay with it, but actually I wasn’t, and instead of telling you I changed my mind like a reasonable adult I’m going to treat you like an irresponsible child for even bringing it up?”</p><p>“Well, when you put it like that, it sounds stupid.”</p><p>“Cough, Felicia-and-Flash, cough.”</p><p>Peter shot him a flat glare. “You didn’t even pretend to cough, Wade.”</p><p>Wade sighed dramatically. “And look, this is me not pretending to care. Your exes — whose ship name is ‘Fleshlicia,’ bee-tee-dubs — are terrible. Anyway, back to shit that <em> doesn’t </em>suck: whaddya say we do some needleplay and watersports?”</p><p><em> “What??” </em>squawked Peter.</p><p>“That’s right, babycakes!” Wade grinned broadly. “Testing date!”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Wade made the mistake of saying ‘Public Health’ within earshot of Matt, and before Peter knew it Matt was batting at them, griping, “We are all adults, with adult health insurance, and we are going to <em> take advantage of that privilege,” </em>as he made appointments for all three of them with his doctor.</p><p>The office was a swanky, polished thing downtown. Wade's jaw twitched as he balanced his bulk on one of the delicate designer chairs in the waiting room. Matt, of course, looked perfectly at home in his sharp suit. He sipped cucumber-infused water out of an actual glass and shot the receptionist a charming smile, impervious to her dubious glances.</p><p>Peter shuffled with his notebook, scuffing his sneakers against the floor. “Did you know it was originally synthesized in 1912 as part of research to stop abnormal bleeding?”</p><p>“Huh,” said Wade. “Sure didn’t. Did it work?”</p><p>“Nope!”</p><p>At the squeak of the highlighter, Matt tilted his head. “Wait. Did you — ? Wade, did he — ? Do you <em> print out literature on MDMA? </em> On <em> paper?” </em></p><p>Peter frowned a little. “I like… research,” he finally said.</p><p>“Give him a break, Matty. He hasn’t done more than dabble with the Devil’s Lettuce (tee em). He <em> should </em>research it before he tries it.”</p><p>Matt huffed. “Takes all the adventure out of it. If you haven’t snorted mystery power off the counter of the girls’ room at a Catholic high school, you haven’t lived.” Wade yawned obnoxiously.</p><p>“You'd've snorted <em> Kool-aid </em> off that counter if it got you up one of those plaid skirts, don't front, man.”</p><p>“Here I am, taking you both to get tested for an orgy that I’m not even invited to — ”</p><p>“How do you stand for such abuse, my little gothy-boo?”</p><p>“ — that I’m <em> not even invited to, </em> and all I get is grief.”</p><p>“I mean,” Peter cut in. “I can’t invite you to the orgy,” (the receptionist gave them a <em> look), </em>  “but maybe next time they have a barbecue you could come? Then Carol and Maria could get to know you.”</p><p>“Pete…” A complicated expression flitted over Matt’s face. “I was just giving you shit. You don’t have to invite me to anything.”</p><p>“I know! I’m not saying —  I'd have to think? About the orgy thing? But I’d like for you to meet my friends. If you wanted to…”</p><p>Matt sat back with a slow blink. Wade crowed. “You broke him, Petey! Turned his smug little brain right off! Can’t wait to see him try and fail to charm the panties off Carol, oh my god this is gonna be <em> good.” </em></p><p>There was a clack as the receptionist typed a few loud, pointed words, and Peter had a feeling they'd all be facing some uncomfortable questions back in the exam room. </p><p>Wade flung his arms luxuriously around them both. “Well, <em> I </em> think it’s cool that Petey waited until he was old enough to make an informed decision in a safe environment with people he can trust. Being smart and informed about drugs is <em> super </em> cool.” Wade winked at Peter</p><p>Peter chewed sullenly on the end of his pen. “Even I know that’s not cool, Wade.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>STI results? Check!</p><p>Substances researched? Check!</p><p>Non-latex condoms packed? Check!</p><p>Ready for a thrilling evening of hedonistic fun! … Check? </p><p>That’s why they were sitting awkwardly outside Maria and Carol’s, both waiting for the other to get out of the car first. Wade bumped Peter's shoulder. “You sure about this?”</p><p>“Yeah! Yeah. Just… a little nervous.”</p><p>“It’s normal to be nervous, baby. I just want to make sure you don’t need out.”</p><p>Peter took a deep breath. “I’m okay. I mean. We can always leave. So. Yes. I’m ready. Let’s do this.”</p><p>He looked over with a shaky smile. Wade’s knuckles were white where he gripped the steering wheel.</p><p>“Wade?” asked Peter. Oh no. Wade had been so busy making sure <em> Peter </em> was okay, and Peter hadn’t even… “Are <em> you </em> sure about this?”</p><p>“Yeah!” Wade replied, voice overly cheery. “Yeah… I just… I don’t know, it’s a whole lot of sexy new people who’ve never seen me naked, you know? Don’t wanna put 'em off their orgy with the whole ‘fucked sideways over a cheesegrater’ chic.”</p><p>“Hey, now. No one’s gonna care. And if they do, I will literally fight them.” Wade snorted. “And you don’t have to take your clothes off if you don’t want, that’s why we dressed comfy.”</p><p>“True.” Wade nodded to himself. “We did go for that white-tie jammies look. Yeah. Yeah, it’s gonna be fine. I just… you know Carol better than I do. And you trust her, so I trust her. But it’s a house full of strangers.”</p><p>“It’s normal to be nervous,” Peter sing-songed back to him. </p><p>Wade leaned over and mussed up Peter’s hair, and Peter squealed and dove for the door. “Yeah, alright, baby boy. You ready to go make some questionable life choices?”</p><p>Carol was out the front door before they made it halfway up the walk. “Hey, baby gay!” she trilled, pulling Peter in for a tight hug and pulling Wade in after, smooshing Peter into the best sandwich ever. “Mr. Baby Gay, glad you could make it.”</p><p>“Oh, Ms. Danveau, we wouldn’t dream of missing one of your sexy little shindigs.”</p><p>“Yeah? I don’t know. Wasn’t sure if you were gonna make it in or just screw in your car.”</p><p>“It was a close call, but you just <em> barely </em>made the cut over ditching for a McFlurry.”</p><p>Listening to two of his favorite people bantering over his head, squished so tight he could barely breathe, Peter finally relaxed.</p><p>Maybe they were right.</p><p>Maybe it was supposed to be easy.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hedonist-Mom says: You may notice that I did <em>not</em> go into detail on Peter’s (extensive!) pros and cons list. That’s the kind of research and decision you gotta make for yourself, although, for fuck's sake, please be more of a Peter than a Matt. And make sure your research includes testing kits and fentanyl, because that shit’s scary and is popping up in everything. Stay smart, stay safe &lt;3</p><p>Speaking of safe, I was also quite specific to avoid saying STI results were “clean,” or negative, rather that they were <em>compatible</em> (either everyone has the same results as Peter and Wade, or their results are in their risk comfort zone). An estimated 1 in 4 adults has HSV-2 (usually genital herpes), so think about that the next time you start STI shaming in a group of four or more people *flings off soapbox*</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hedonist-Mom says: You may notice that I did <em>not</em> go into detail on Peter’s (extensive!) pros and cons list. That’s the kind of research and decision you gotta make for yourself, although, sweet jesus, please be more of a Peter than a Matt. And make sure your research includes testing kits and fetanyl, because that shit’s scary and is popping up in everything. Stay smart, stay safe &lt;3</p><p>Speaking of safe, I specifically didn’t say that everyone’s STI results were “clean,” or negative across the board, rather that they were <em>compatible</em> (either everyone has the same results as Peter and Wade, or their results are in their risk comfort zone). An estimated 1 in 4 adults has HSV-2 (usually genital herpes). So, ya know, be aware next time you start STI shaming--there's a 25% chance you're talking to someone who has one, and people with STIs are allowed to fuck, too!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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